[charlie]

[signed_sabrina]

For a very short time, Sabrina considers avoiding Charlie.

He's going to read her unhappiness as easily as ever, and then she's going to have to talk about it, this thing that she feels like she's only a breath away from ruining. Only it would hurt them both to do it, and he'd figure that much out too.

It still seems like some kind of betrayal, to carry these feelings, to consider pouring out her griefs about others to Charlie. Some part of her insists she doesn't deserve the comfort, that part that always belongs to the Night, that part that whispers just like him that she ought to let what hurts her keep giving pain and to grow strong off of it.

Sabrina hates how much she can't tell who the idea really belongs to.

She waits until dark, and then she sneaks in through Charlie's window even if she doesn't have to, kicking off her shoes and crawling into his bed.

Comments

[signed_sabrina]

"I used it for a long time, and I didn't even know I was wrong," she says quietly, her cheeks flushing warm. "I always feel like I'm learning I've fucked up after I've been doing it for too long, and then if I'm upset to find it out, I'm making it all about my feelings."

Her face crumples a little.

"I feel so wrong, like I'm a wrong thing. Not just this. Maybe that's why it hurts so badly, though. No matter that I tried to do it differently, I still ruined it."

[teenagerenegade]

"You're allowed to feel things, Brina. You both are. But the problem with that is, sometimes your feelings are going to get in the way of each other. That's...kind of what living with another person is, I guess." He thinks about his mom when he says it; she either wore her feelings close to the surface or it was like there was no-one home at all. "And I don't think you ruined anything. I think you both just need some time to breathe."

[signed_sabrina]

"I think you're right about breathing room," she says, and her eyes feel a little hot and wet when she closes them. "I hate that this upset me. I feel like I failed a test, and then I feel bad for feeling it. I need to be able to look at it more clearly, maybe think about that different backgrounds thing. We've been dating, and we've said we love each other, and it's been... months. Calling her my girlfriend seems more like a statement of fact to me, than a declaration."

She pushes back the tears, turning her head so her chin rests against his shoulder.

"Did I skip being worried about being bisexual? Am I bisexual?" Dark eyes peek up at him, genuinely puzzled, and then a little smile, because she can't help it, where Charlie's concerned. "And what about you? If that gender-changing thing happened to me, would you kick me out bed?"

[teenagerenegade]

"Honestly? I think labels are kind of overrated," says Charlie, stroking his hand down her back. "Unless they're really important to, which they might be to Rosie, in which case...awesome, I guess? But that's something she needs to figure out for herself." He thinks about her other question for a long moment. "I don't...have experience with guys, but I guess I'm not, like, inherently adverse to the idea or anything." He drops a kiss into her hair. "And, anyway, that's a trick question. You'd still be you, so, no. Never kicking you out of bed. Ever."

[signed_sabrina]

"I guess that it didn't really occur to me," she hums. "A lot of things changed for me, when I learned about my-- my bloodline. A lot of things have changed, really." She wonders if the version of herself in Greendale is so far from the girl she'd been on the night of her sixteenth birthday.

But she's also more than ready for a distraction from the hurt she's been nursing, and so she moves away from the topic.

"Hm, maybe this place will get a notion and let me test you on it," she murmurs, nosing against his neck. "I hope I'd be a hot guy, at least."

[teenagerenegade]

"Can't see how you'd be anything else," says Charlie, feeling the way that Sabrina's mood shifts, as she nuzzles into the line of her jaw. "Probably like, a foot taller than me and properly ripped."