"I used it for a long time, and I didn't even know I was wrong," she says quietly, her cheeks flushing warm. "I always feel like I'm learning I've fucked up after I've been doing it for too long, and then if I'm upset to find it out, I'm making it all about my feelings."

Her face crumples a little.

"I feel so wrong, like I'm a wrong thing. Not just this. Maybe that's why it hurts so badly, though. No matter that I tried to do it differently, I still ruined it."